Supporting Social Skills in a Neurodiversity-Affirming Way

Many preteens and teens who receive social skills support in group or individual settings are neurodivergent in some way. While developing social skills is important, it must be done in a way that respects their individuality, communication style, and sensory needs. A neurodiversity-affirming approach embraces differences, values authenticity, and avoids imposing neurotypical social norms that may feel unnatural or distressing.

When social skills are taught in an affirming way, teens learn that the adults in their lives respect and value them as they are. Instead of viewing social strategies as rules to “fix” themselves, they see them as tools for building relationships and communicating more effectively—without sacrificing their identity.

Here’s how to support social growth while empowering each teen to be themselves.

1. Respect All Communication Styles

Respecting different communication styles means recognizing, valuing, and accommodating the diverse ways people express themselves. Spoken language is only one form of communication. Many neurodivergent individuals rely on alternative methods, including:

• Gestures and body language – Some teens may point, shrug, or use facial expressions more than words.

• Written communication – Texting, using social media, or writing notes may feel more natural than speaking.

• AAC (Augmentative and Alternative Communication) systems – Some individuals use communication devices or apps to express themselves.

• Echolalia and scripting – Repeating phrases from media or previous conversations can be a valid way of processing and participating in discussions.

• Special interests as communication tools – Some teens connect with others by discussing their deep interests, such as video games, history, or anime.

A neurodiversity-affirming approach recognizes that all forms of communication are valid. Instead of forcing verbal speech, we can:

• Give processing time – Some individuals need extra time to formulate responses.

• Recognize engagement beyond words – Fidgeting, looking away, or responding with movement can all show engagement.

• Encourage self-expression – Allowing teens to communicate in ways that feel natural fosters confidence and connection.

For example, if a teen prefers texting over phone calls, an SLP might incorporate texting-based social skills activities into therapy rather than focusing only on verbal conversation.

2. Follow the Teen’s Lead

Client-led activities allow teens to practice social skills in ways that feel natural rather than forced. By centering their interests, we create a safe and positive environment for engagement.

For instance, if a teen loves video games, social skills practice can happen through co-op gaming sessions, where they practice teamwork, turn-taking, and problem-solving in real time. If they love music, discussing lyrics or composing songs together can be a way to build conversation skills.

Instead of expecting teens to engage in generic, scripted social scenarios, meet them where they are and integrate social learning into what they already enjoy.

3. Don’t Force Eye Contact

For some neurodivergent individuals, eye contact can feel uncomfortable, overwhelming, or even painful. Instead of insisting on eye contact as a measure of engagement, look for alternative signs of attentiveness, such as:

• Turning their body toward the speaker

• Responding verbally or through gestures

• Engaging with the topic in their own way

Encouraging natural, comfortable interaction—without forcing neurotypical norms—helps teens build confidence in social situations.

4. Embrace Each Teen’s Unique Social Style

Socializing looks different for everyone. Some teens thrive in one-on-one conversations but struggle in group settings. Others may prefer parallel play or activities, such as sitting with friends while each person does their own thing (e.g., reading, drawing, or gaming).

Instead of pushing a single definition of social success, help teens identify and develop the social interactions that work best for them.

For example, a teen who struggles with large gatherings might feel more comfortable socializing in structured, interest-based clubs (like a robotics club, a Dungeons & Dragons group, or an art workshop) rather than being expected to make small talk at a school dance.

5. Build on Strengths and Interests

A teen’s passions can be a bridge to social connection. Encouraging them to explore their interests—whether that’s coding, anime, sports, or film-making—can help them connect with like-minded peers in authentic and comfortable ways.

Instead of pushing a teen into general social settings, help them find opportunities where socializing happens naturally:

• A teen passionate about books might thrive in a library volunteer group.

• A nature-loving teen might enjoy a hiking club where conversations flow easily.

• A theater-loving teen might connect through improv classes that allow for structured, interactive engagement.

By helping teens find their community, social interactions become more meaningful and enjoyable.

6. Focus on Connection, Not Compliance

Many traditional social skills programs focus on teaching teens how to “fit in” by masking their natural behaviors to appear more neurotypical. However, masking can lead to stress, exhaustion, and burnout.

Instead of training teens to suppress their natural communication style, help them:

• Develop confidence in their existing strengths.

• Learn how to navigate social settings in ways that feel authentic.

• Recognize that true friendships should be based on mutual respect, not forced conformity.

For instance, if a teen enjoys stimming (e.g., tapping their fingers, using a fidget toy, or rocking slightly), it’s okay! Stimming can be a helpful regulation tool and doesn’t need to be discouraged. Instead of teaching teens to hide their differences, help them develop strategies to self-regulate while maintaining comfort in social settings.

7. Foster Self-Advocacy and Emotional Awareness

Encouraging teens to recognize and express their needs is key to social success. Help them practice:

• Self-advocacy – Expressing when they need a break or when a situation feels overwhelming.

• Emotional awareness – Identifying their own feelings and recognizing others’ emotions.

• Boundary-setting – Understanding that it’s okay to say no or step away from a social interaction.

For example, a teen might practice saying:

• “I like hanging out, but I need some quiet time now.”

• “I’m not comfortable with hugs, but I’d love a high five!”

• “I’d rather text than talk on the phone—is that okay?”

By normalizing self-advocacy, teens gain confidence in setting boundaries and engaging in social situations on their own terms.

8. Embracing Individuality

By prioritizing respect, authenticity, and acceptance, we can support social development in a way that empowers teens to connect without compromising who they are. Every teen’s communication style is valid, and by celebrating their strengths and honoring their needs, we create a foundation for meaningful relationships and lifelong social success.

Final Thoughts

Supporting social skills isn’t about changing neurodivergent teens to fit a mold—it’s about helping them build the skills they need to connect in ways that feel right for them. Whether through shared interests, alternative communication styles, or self-advocacy, neurodiversity-affirming social support helps teens thrive on their own terms.

If you know a teen who struggles with social communication, consider working with an SLP who understands and respects neurodiverse communication styles. The goal isn’t to “fix” social skills—it’s to help every teen build the relationships and confidence they deserve.